This is the Straaat Report

Brings you the long and the short

Every scream, roar and haunt

Not a tale, I distort

In the Straaat Report

Hey hey hey! It’s me, Stratofarius, with your Strat Report. Today we are going to cover a very, very important problem that has been invading the Disney Parks recently. We call this problem: “Duffy.”

Now, this thing ACTUALLY has a history, believe it or not. It started on the american parks as the Disney bear, but then it was shipped to Tokyo since it didn’t made a big sucess. There, it was transformed into the newest mania of the japanese folks. Duffy was everywhere, and people loved it- and still love it. So, Disney thought: “Hey, it is famous here on Japan, lets ship a bunch to the United States and sell them. Not only that, lets make meet and greets, a new tv show, millions of plushies, EVERYTHING just for him. I mean, if japanese people loved it, the americans surely will!”

Oh boy! I’m sure he looks great! Let’s take a look at him.

…

So…

It’s just… that?

“Oh, but wait!” says Disney “You can dress him in multiple costumes! You can listen to his theme song! You can see his new animated TV show! You can meet and greet him! He’s going to be everywhere because everyone will love it!”

But it’s just a teddy bear!

“But everyone loved it in Japan!”

But that’s an entire different culture, Disney. If they love a teddy bear there, maybe people won’t love it here! Did you even try and see if people were going to like it before doing everything to him?

“… No?”

See? And now what you’re going to have?

“… Problems since we wasted all that money?”

And what could you use that money for?

“OH! More Disney Channel shows!”

GET OUT OF HERE!

This was the Strat Report. If you enjoyed it, don’t buy a Duffy plush. Please. Don’t.


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